Quebec City Speech
SPEECH BY SANDY SMITH
Quebec City – 2001
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January 1996, my first reaction was one of terror and panic. I remember thinking that anyone who I had known with cancer, family members and friends had all died. No one in my family spoke about cancer openly. Then, as I was quickly thrown into the treatment phase, surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, it seemed that as long as something was being done, I would likely be “OK”. My expectation was that I would have a sense of relief and elation when I finished treatment. But instead of relief I felt only fear, agitation and a loss of control.
As a Physiotherapist, I could not deny the importance of exercise in my recovery but I was being very cautious and inconsistent with my return to activity. I regained some sense of control from participating in exercise at the local gym but it was a lonely process and it was difficult to stay motivated. Then I heard of a group of breast cancer survivors who paddled, and who were looking for more women to join them. They called themselves Abreast In A Boat.
My first season was initially frightening. Would I measure up? Would this be fun? Who would I meet? Everyone seemed nice enough, but still I worried. It was all a bit overwhelming. I kept fairly quiet, did what I was told, worked hard in the gym and actually learned to paddle in a dragon boat. It was all very new to me. I had never been to a dragon boat festival, never paddled, so that in itself was an adventure.
I slowly regained some of the emotional strength I had lost, started feeling physically more energized and was certainly becoming more fit.
By the end of my first festival, I felt proud of my accomplishments, and it wasn’t so much about the racing, (although that part of it was quite a rush!) but for the first time in awhile, I felt elated as well as relieved. I was beginning to have some fun, I was active and healthy and starting to live my life again!
I had become a part of a very visual symbol of hope, showing a different face of cancer, encouraging those living with this disease that they can find ways of being active, having fun and taking hold of their lives again.
So what is it about dragon boating that is so life giving?
There is no doubt that being involved in any physical activity with a group of people who have had similar experiences in life, is very healing. It also does make a difference to be fit and healthy.
Beyond these facts, could it be that it provides a way to challenge and recharge our bodies in a safe and positive environment? There is certainly a sense of trust and feeling of safety within this group.
Does it give us a positive way to channel any anger, fear and frustration?
It is great to be able to leave my troubles on the dock before every practice.
Does it give us some sense of control or even one of peace?
Being on the water can certainly be a very serene and magical experience.
But try to think of any other sport or activity where there is really no distinction of importance between participants, where everyone strives to do the same thing at the same time, where you are in such close proximity with no personal space … all the time! This physical closeness can certainly be challenging but it can also be energizing and when it works, it’s magic! Imagine being able to raise a boat up in the water and feel it fly, and knowing that it happened only because everyone was so connected. It is very unique and very special.
As life moved along I got better and busier with work, with parenting and with my paddling. After four years I thought about giving the paddling a break. So one evening while sitting around the supper table, I announced my plans. My husband and daughters were taken aback and told me I couldn’t possibly give up paddling. I was puzzled by their strong reactions. After several minutes, they confessed that they were afraid for me. They told me that dragon boating had given my daughters back their mom and given my husband back his partner. I realized that I would miss paddling too much and that it also was very important for my family to see me having fun and living the best I can.
Through my own adventures with Abreast In A Boat, I have learned that life is for living, not just surviving. I credit all the people involved with Abreast In A Boat and other breast cancer organizations, for saving my sanity and for helping me to see that I can live a great life whether it is for a few years or 40.
The dragon boating experience has given many of us the strength and courage to try new things and to do them well. It has given me the opportunity to share this experience with other women and men over the world. That has been both a privilege and a gift. I know that I have always had the strength to survive for the time that I do have, but I found the courage to live my life fully on those waters of False Creek in Vancouver.
Paddles up!